Dear my beautiful, smart and amazing 9 year old daughter,
Words cannot describe how much I love you. But, I can’t look at you right now. To look at you, see inside you as I so often do, would mean to kill a little piece of me. Because I failed you. And I am so sorry. It hurts to breathe right now, but I know in time, with the right help, we will both be better.
You see, my love, I was so focused on the obvious problems in the house, that I failed to see you were struggling. Failed to see that your grades, although close to average, were slipping below average. I thought you would just be the kid that had to work harder. I did not know how much you were struggling or how lost you felt. You didn’t tell me. Not your fault. I am your mother and I should have known. I am sorry.
It is no excuse that the last 8 years have been focused on your brother with Aspergers. It is true, but not at all fair to you, and something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. My heart hurts for all the times you struggled in school, academically and emotionally and I did not know. I failed you and I am sorry.
I thought you were immature. I thought you were procrastinating. I joked that I would rather stick pencils in my eye than do homework with you. How did I not get you evaluated?
I pride myself on being a warrior mom with a kid with Aspergers. Early intervention began when your brother was months old. You weren’t as obvious and I missed it. I kept thinking you would catch up. I missed it and I will forever be sorry.
My beautiful, amazing, smart 9 year old daughter, here is my promise. I promise I will always do everything I can to give you the life you deserve to have. That will include full testing and evaluations to make sure you will learn the way you need to learn. I will surround you emotionally with peers that make you comfortable and help your self esteem. You are amazing and need to know so. I will listen to you and know when you need help.
We will figure this out and I promise, this time, I won’t let you down.