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An Open Apology to My 9 Year Old Daughter

2/1/2015

5 Comments

 
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Dear my beautiful, smart and amazing 9 year old daughter,


Words cannot describe how much I love you.  But, I can’t look at you right now.  To look at you, see inside you as I so often do, would mean to kill a little piece of me.  Because I failed you.  And I am so sorry.  It hurts to breathe right now, but I know in time, with the right help, we will both be better.


You see, my love, I was so focused on the obvious problems in the house, that I failed to see you were struggling.  Failed to see that your grades, although close to average, were slipping below average.  I thought you would just be the kid that had to work harder.  I did not know how much you were struggling or how lost you felt.  You didn’t tell me.  Not your fault.  I am your mother and I should have known.  I am sorry.


It is no excuse that the last 8 years have been focused on your brother with Aspergers.  It is true, but not at all fair to you,  and something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.  My heart hurts for all the times you struggled in school, academically and emotionally and I did not know.  I failed you and I am sorry.


I thought you were immature.  I thought you were procrastinating.  I joked that I would rather stick pencils in my eye than do homework with you.  How did I not get you evaluated?


I pride myself on being a warrior mom with a kid with Aspergers.  Early intervention began when your brother was months old.  You weren’t as obvious and I missed it.  I kept thinking you would catch up.  I missed it and I will forever be sorry.


My beautiful, amazing, smart 9 year old daughter, here is my promise.  I promise I will always do everything I can to give you the life you deserve to have.  That will include full testing and evaluations to make sure you will learn the way you need to learn.  I will surround you emotionally with peers that make you comfortable and help your self esteem.  You are amazing and need to know so.  I will listen to you and know when you need help.  


We will figure this out and I promise, this time, I won’t let you down.  


Love, Mommy
5 Comments
KR
2/1/2015 04:40:44 am

I totally get the guilt - I felt like I was failing my son in all aspects. The blame and guilt became overwhelming at times. It kinda never went away I just refocus on knowing we are moving forward and I do all I can now. Once again you hit a home strike with this one. Thanks for keeping the warrior moms realizing we are not alone and we all want what our child deserves.

Reply
KR
2/1/2015 04:42:09 am

Also I meant HOME RUN!!!! 😃
Another HOME RUN!!!!

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Whinetimemom link
2/1/2015 08:50:36 am

Thank you for reading & reaching out! It is so helpful to know we are not alone.

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Jodi link
2/1/2015 10:29:20 am

A mom who wrote a post like this could never fail her daughter. I can feel the love from here. Sending strength.

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Keshona
2/2/2015 01:56:49 pm

You a great moms. God bless. I want to know more.

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    Author

    I am a married mom of 5 children aged 15, 13, 9, 8 and 5. Our 8 year old son was diagnosed on the spectrum at 2 years old and life hasn’t been the same since.  Marriage is hard without children, especially children with special needs.  We try and find the humor in the hard times and give each other space when we need it.  There are many times we want to throw in the towel (marriage is hard, right?)  but we always find out way back.  Together, I believe, we can make it through anything.  My husband is my rock and my sanity.  He is the most patient man I have ever met.  We divide our time between behaviorists, visiting private schools, trying to work full time jobs and every once in a while a date night where we get to fall in love all over again.  


    Raising special needs kids in not only a challenge on the marriage but for the rest of the family as well.  We do our best to keep them grounded and explain why our son gets special treatment but it isn’t always easy.  When I first agreed to write this blog, I was hopeful that I would be able to help one family.  Now I am thinking that maybe we can just help each other.  It is nice to know we are not alone on our quest to find answers, solutions, and to help our special needs kids grow up to be the best they can be.  Please reach out to me anytime. [email protected]

    Twitter: @whinetimemom





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